Barbara M Fogg 9/28/1949 - 6/5/2009

I have other updates to come later, but I want to give my thoughts on my Mother-In-Law.

I could start into a long diatribe with things such as she was born in 1949 in Miami and never left (except for vacations), then in 1969 she had a daughter, etc. but I only had the pleasure of knowing Barbara for just about 10 years. I met Brenda on April 16, 1999 so I know I had to have met Barbara a month or so later.

Barbara Fogg always did things on her own terms. If you were dealing with her in a business sense, or actually in any sense, and you told her "no," she would explain to you why you were wrong and give you 5-10 reasons of how you would correct your mistake. She would not take no for an answer and sometimes, yes wouldn't be good enough either. If you worked for her and did not do exactly what she wanted, or screwed around, you would be fired. However, she was also fair, and I have heard of many times where some "long-term" employees would either be fired or quit and come back a week, month, year later.

One thing that was very evident from Barbara, if she didn't like you, you knew it (sort of, because she still kept her southern roots), and if she liked you, she loved you. However, Barbara had her own way of showing love, it was usually by speaking her mind whether it hurt your feelings or not. I found this out by the multiple times that Barbara would be hitting the wine bottle (or even when she didn't) then called Brenda to discuss the way she was raising our kids, or her job, or any other various subject. I also found out in the last couple of days that if Barbara or her mother (Mozelle) did not like who their kids/grandkids/nieces/nephews were dating they not only let them know, but the person they were dating. I suppose I was very lucky in the sense that they liked me, because they allowed me to marry Brenda. The idea of the Father being in charge of the daughter was definitely not the case, and the women were definitely in charge in the Miller-Fogg family. That continues to be the case with Brenda and Stacy.

Barbara really was the best Mother-In-Law that a person could ask for. She was really down-to-earth, and just an all around cool person. After knowing her and Brenda for a while, she took me up in her plane. She told me to make sure I had air coming in on me so I wouldn't be nauseous. When we were up in the air, she tried to tell me to open the window by pointing out where the crank was. The only thing I saw was the door handle, and I wasn't about to open that while in the air. She then turned the plane around and landed before I got sick. For one reason or another, I never got another chance to go flying with her.

Barbara also showed her extreme coolness when it came to shopping. She didn't get stuck going to malls or any "girly" type stores, it was usually going to the cool places like BJ's and Best Buy, you know, places that had "toys." This also showed through when it came to Christmas time, she would usually get herself something, like a Wii, a 400 disc DVD changer, or GPS, and she would in turn get the same thing for her girls. I'm sure it was to make sure her girls got the same enjoyment that she did out of whatever it was. I'll also forever cherish the gifts that she found for me including the motorcycle rider and the huge "pocket" knife that are sitting on my desk at the office.

Barbara of course loved her grandkids and would always be there whenever she was called either to babysit or attend whatever function they had coming up. The one thing about her though, you always had to let her know well in advance, then keep reminding her, because she would never put anything in any type of calendar. Many times the week of whatever was going on turned into a mad scramble because she forgot, or we forgot to remind her. Regardless, she would always come through when needed.

I'll also always be impressed with her memory skills when it comes to her personal business. For instance, she would remember who was programmed into her phone, even though the name was spelled incorrectly 9 times out of 10. Additionally, she was always able to log into her various accounts even though she had 20 different passwords for 20 different accounts. I'll never figure out how she was able to keep everything together.

Barbara was diagnosed wit Leukemia in early March, 2009. She spent 72 days in Baptist Hospital in Miami. After two rounds of chemo, none of the Leukemia cells went into remission. Barbara was released from the hospital just before Mother's Day. She was no longer a candidate to go to Moffitt Cancer Center for a bone marrow transplant. On Mother's Day, Brenda, the kids and I went down to their house in the Redlands. We had a great day, we took Barbara to BJ's to get everything she needed, we went to Best Buy to get a couple of universal remotes so she could control everything in the living room and her bedroom. Barbara watched the kids go swimming and ride their bikes. As an aside, Lizzie today said that was one of her best memories, having her Nanny watch her ride her bike. It was just really nice to spend the day with her. Sure it was somewhat shocking to see her without hair and everything, but under the circumstances, I thought she looked great.

Soon after Mother's Day, Barbara decided to try again with an outpaitient chemo treatment, and blood transfusion and getting platelets. A day or so after getting her transfusion and platelets, she said her leg was bothering her. Her doctor said to go back to the emergency room. The pain was not a blood clot. She ended up getting admitted to the hospital and placed in the ICU because of her very low blood pressure and various other things. She was coherent and understood what was going on. In the end however, she just wanted to be comfortable, and she was not comfortable in the ICU. Brenda, Johnny and Stacy arranged to have her moved to another room. They were planning a meeting with Hospice on Friday, June 5 to try to get Barbara home, just to abide by her wishes. On Thursday afternoon, Brenda received a call from the nurse at the hospital telling her that she did not believe that Barbara would make it through the night. We ran down there and sat with her. She was there but not there. We originally thought she was waiting for Stacy to arrive from Orlando. After Stacy arrived, we thought she might be waiting for her brother to arrive from Minnesota. Jerry arrived around midnight, and I was sent home around 12:30 - 1:00. Brenda, Stacy, and Jerry, Jr. sat at Barbara's bed side all night. In the end, Barbara decided she would once again do things on her own terms and not let anyone tell her what to do. She proved the nurse wrong, she waited until shift change, saw the light of day, then passed away at 7:30 am on June 5, 2009.

Barbara will be deeply missed by her immediate, and extended family and by everybody who ever came into contact with her, possibly even the people who told her no.




p.s. Please either join a walk, or donate to my team on Light the Night which is sponsored by the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. http://pages.lightthenight.org/pb/BocaRatn09/studyaid